Being overwhelmed by emotions

14/2/2026

Many of the people I meet tell me that they are worried about being overwhelmed by their emotions.  I get this - emotions can feel as if they take over our brains and rule our actions.

However, it is not true. Several people have described their brain being fuzzy and unable to concentrate, then walking into a situation where they simply had to get on with the job in hand.  And suddenly the fuzz in their brain disappeared and they did what they needed to do.  Distraction, if it is strong enough, can be very powerful.  This also shows us that it is actually possible to control our brains, it just feels as if it isn’t. And it is often very hard to, especially when you are feeling overwhelmed and have no experience of challenging that feeling.

The other important thing to know is that human beings are emotional, we have emotions whether we like it or not.  Our brains and bodies seem to be designed to have them, to feel them and for them to pass through our bodies.  Most feelings are both an experience in our mind and a sensation in our bodies. If we allow them, recognise them for what they are, they are much less likely to be frightening.

It is important to understand that emotions are simply things that happen to us, they are a response to something in the environment or in our brains, they come and they go. More importantly they are telling us something about the environment or the situation we are in. They are an important source of information.  It is useful to notice that information and then let the emotion go -unless we have to act immediately to get out of the way of an oncoming bus or whatever is bearing down in us.  Emotions can and do pass if we let them.

But it is helpful to notice what it is our bodies are trying to tell us.  When someone new walks into my room I can often feel my stomach clench or begin to churn. I know then that the person I am meeting is, not surprisingly, feeling a bit anxious about this. Who wouldn’t be anxious meeting someone for the first time, hoping they may be able to help, wanting to move on from whatever brought them there but not really knowing how to.  Of course that is anxiety provoking. And so naturally I experience something of that feeling too. Our bodies communicate with each other; we pick up emotions from other people. So, it is really important to know that that is what is happening.  The fact that my stomach is clenching slightly is not a problem, it is simply information and it will soon stop as both of us relax into the situation.

Other emotions behave in similar ways, they arrive in our bodies, tell us something and then they pass. If we can name them, know what is happening to us, think about what they are a response to, then it can be fairly straightforward to feel them and notice them passing. Sadly, many of us do not get this kind of education as small children, our parents and care givers have not been able to help us name these feelings, and to reassure us that they are helpful and they pass. Some parents are able to soothe children, teach them how to ‘regulate their affects’ and that is a great gift, but many don’t have those skills themselves and so can’t pass them on. The experience of the children with this history is likely to be that emotions are not to be trusted. They observe and sense that their parents are overwhelmed by them and that when feelings are expressed, they are out of control, anger is just frightening or love is just too much.  Adults can learn that this is not true now, they can take the risk of feeling their emotions and observing them pass. Learning to recognise the differences is also useful, you can begin to name I am feeling happy or joyful or fretful or proud or interested.  Instead of just being aware that you are a bit churned up or feeling a bit odd. If you can name and understand what is happening to you it is much less likely to feel overwhelming. If you can’t name it it is just a sensation in your body and brain that doesn’t make sense and is therefore pretty unpleasant.