Be on my own side

12/6/2024

"I learned a long time ago the wisest thing I can do is be on my own side, be an advocate for myself and others like me." Maya Angelou

I really like this quote from Maya Angelou.  It supports me to advocate for myself without feeling selfish or self centred. It supports me to be on my own side, to have my own back, as well as making sure there are others there to have my back too.  There is an assumption that standing up for ourselves is the same as being selfish. I am very clear that this is not true.  I certainly do not advocate being selfish, but I do encourage people to be ‘on their own side’, to stand up  for themselves.   We talk these days about being authentic, congruent with ourselves. This is what I am talking about. If we feel joyful or sad or angry about something it is OK just to be that for a while.  We don’t have to tell the world, it doesn’t have to dominate everything for that day.  But it is important to honour that experience and maybe to share it with people you trust or you like or who you think will be feeling something similar.

We all have inner critical voices, and it is really important to find ways to keep them in balance, as well as  to respond to them.  The more we let them carry on unchallenged, the more power and influence we give them.  The constant drip of an inner voice saying ‘Don't be so stupid’, or ‘How can you think that', or ‘What an idiot you must look’ or whatever your particular voice says, is a real drain on our energy and saps our self confidence.

It can be helpful to begin to recognise this critical inner voice and to gently challenge it. Not always a pleasant experience when you really begin to listen to how unkind you are to your self.  When you hear yourself saying those words, find another sentence: I am OK, I have done enough, something that makes sense to you and get into the habit of repeating that one as well. You may not really believe it initially , but if at least part of you knows that it is right, hearing yourself repeat it can be a vey powerful antidote to that more critical  or undermining voice.

"Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of someone else." Judy Garland

This quote I also enjoy.  I think it is about finding that more compassionate voice for ourselves. The part of ourselves that says ‘I am Okay’,  ‘I have done enough’.  This can sometimes be a real struggle but it is important to persevere with it. You will hear it occasionally, more likely used for other people more often than yourself.  If you can begin to pay attention to that voice, to let them have a say more often, this can support you in feeling okay about yourself.